Answering a hostile text without making it worse

Shared by Curated by CoreParent

A message lands that's built to provoke: an accusation, a jab, a wall of grievances. Your heart rate spikes and you want to defend yourself point by point.

What I tried

Matching their energy, defending every accusation, or re-litigating the past. It feels justified in the moment and almost always escalates.

What worked

What tends to work: the BIFF approach, which stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. Answer only the part that concerns the kids, in two or three neutral sentences, and ignore the bait entirely. 'Thanks for letting me know. Pickup is still 5pm Friday. See you then.' You don't have to correct the record in a text. You just have to keep your kids' logistics moving and your tone clean.

#communication #high-conflict #biff #staying-calm

Shared by real parents (or curated by CoreParent), anonymized, and not legal advice. Every situation is different. For your case, talk to a licensed family-law attorney.